sheared screams
by divinedisorder
Summary: Revise on Chap 3, revamp in the works.
1. sympathetic character

sheared screams: chap 1. sympathetic character   
  
__Story Notes:   
__re-edited some of the parts, made a few things clearer and new author babble and new title   
Yes. I know the tone is somewhat bleak and sparse. That's the point. I'm not a huge fan of the Billy/Bart couple but it's a good plot ploy so sue me. Yep, I know there isn't a village in Aquvy. I didn't want to call the Captain of the Thames, 'Captain of the Thames' so I'm making his surname Thames. Yes, I'm also aware there is no 'Long Island' in the Xenogears World. In my defense I have to say two words. Writer's Credit. Bwa-ha. I'm a God. 

**_Warnings: suicide theme, mention of shounen-ai, drugs, and cussing. If your mind goes nuts I'll just figure you've been teetering on the edge for a while. All themes (expect suicide and the cussing) are just lightly addressed in the story. Expect cussing. Lots of cussing._**   
  
_i have as much rage as you have_   
_i have as much pain as you do_   
_i've lived as much hell as you have_   
_and i've kept mine bubbling under for you_

|~*~| 

Billy Lee Black wasn't having a good day. 

It had started out with dealing with his new lover's sordid temper that she had gained due to their bingeing on Long Island Iced Tea the night before. When they woke up that morning both had woken up wishing they didn't yet the somnolent Billy managed to pull himself up from the bed with a pounding headache and gave out a groan. He heard a hiss and low growl from Angela who muttered, "Keep the fuck down." Never mind he was suffering with a terrible hangover- all had to be quiet for Angela, an impossible miracle made by God's grace. 

He pulled on a pair of black canvas pants and as he struggled to get ready for today's events in the bathroom Billy scrounged around in his mind trying to remember where things started to go wrong for him. He never dealt with anything like this with Bart. Of course he and the young king never drank together nor did they spend much time in Aquvy. Until their break up only 11 months ago and upon coming home Billy found out that Jessiah had opened the Orphanage again and gotten sober just in time to see his son take the first steps into alcoholism. 

As the young man washed his face and left the bathroom he slowly trotted past the kids' bedroom and glanced at the door. Opening it he peeked inside to see most of the beds vacated for the playground's swings and those children who were left were in deep sleep or reading. Billy faintly smiled as one little girl looked up to him with a brilliant smile of her own and softly closed the door. The kids were smart enough to take their play outside and somehow he managed to get a sermon ready to deliver at the local village. 

Billy wasn't sure why he still ministered, all the words he spoke were empty, yet he did it just the same. Was it out of habit or was it because he was in Aquvy? Perhaps apart of him didn't want to admit that ministering was one of the few things that kept him from realizing that he didn't want his life to mean anything anymore. Passion of living and protecting others was slowly burning itself out into embers. 

The only two joys he had in his life were the kids who quickly became attached to the gentle if somewhat cynical young man who became affectionate and always reliable to them. The second reason was for Primera who was growing into a beautiful soul and young woman who still needed her brother's watchful gaze and guidance. Angela wasn't exactly a joy in his life yet; she merely joined the ranks of reasons to live. Not that she was a bad person; she was certainly pretty with flaxen hair and light blue eyes and had a bubbly personality. Jessie didn't like her. 

He had his reasons that mostly reflected that the bimbo (Angela) was a cheap female copy of his son's ex-boyfriend. When Jessie commented these reflections to his son a few months before Billy just gave him a sour look and grumbled that he should have been damned glad his son was fucking a girl. Jessie still didn't like her but now he kept those reasons to himself. And he jumped at chances to get his son away from that drug-headed girlfriend of his. That was why he talked Billy into visiting a local young woman who was suffering from a bout of depression. He cheerfully saddled the job to his son just a half-hour before Billy went to his sermon. Billy thanked God that he wouldn't have to see the girl until tomorrow. 

Then it rained. 

Not hard enough to keep him from the where he had to go but hard enough to soak him to the bone and make him 20 minutes late to deliver a less than passionate speech to a less than beautiful crowd. All in all it took the young minister about 10 minutes tops to read his passage. 

After he was done and most of the people had left a voice had addressed him from some distance away. Billy was in the village's town hall on the raised platform sitting on a stool taking out an old flask with the only known cure for a hangover, whiskey. _Go away. _Billy willed._ I have a headache. Just go away. _He opened the flask's cap. Of course, his prayer fell upon deaf ears. 

"Well isn't Father Black?" A cheerful gruff voice said behind him. Warily the young man turned around to see the face that matched the voice perfectly. He was greeted with the vision a gruff old demi-human walrus wearing a dated admiral's that still held the brilliance of a brand new Gebler Squad uniform. "As charming as ever I see. 'Tis a good thing me lad. It helps out an old soul that some things don't change." Captain Thames chuckled as he took a puff on the pipe in is mouth. 

A slight smile crossed the minister's mouth or at the very least the corners of his mouth turned upward. "It's Minister Black -if anything." 

"Minister Black then." Thames took out his pipe to pat down the tobacco, the rarer fine Aveh style; not that 'regular' tobacco was cheap lately. "Well, I never thought I'd be on land so soon after launching the Queens- you've heard about her, right? My new vessel?" 

Billy nodded. 

"Good!" Thames laughed, patting the young man's back. "Gotten taller I see too. I've must of dragged you away from some young thing whose company you're enjoying." 

"She's not too lovely today." 

"She!? Well now, that's must warm your father's heart!" The world had pretty much known about his relationship with Bart. 

"I think he preferred me gay." Billy muttered bitterly. "He doesn't like her very much." 

The captain nodded looking just a bit ashamed. "I see, I suppose we should get to business then. I'm sure Mr. Black told you about our young lady, didn't he?"   
"What girl?" 

"Your father hasn't told you about the depressed girl on the Queen's?" 

"He said it was a local girl. Didn't tell me where exactly." 

Thames looked saddened. "Oh, so you didn't come here to help the Wee One?" 

"Dad was going to tell me where she was at tomorrow. I came by for a sermon." He could sense it was going to be a while before he could get changed into dry clothes or crawl into a dark room and sleep the hangover off. 

"Well, I know you were supposed to drop by tomorrow but I'm afraid the situation with the Wee One has gotten a bit worst." The walrus grimaced. 

"I suppose you mean a lot worst?" He suggested, brushing away some of the locks of silver away from his face and eyes. 

"You could be right." Came the sheepish reply. "It hurts to see anyone suffering with depression but the Wee One has worked herself into the crew's hearts and I know mine wouldn't be the only one that breaks if she does something foolish-." 

"Wee One? Is she a child?" 

"Ah, our name for her due to she's no bigger than a child. While she's not a child she isn't quite an adult yet. I would never ask you to come today if we weren't worried about her life." 

"How old is she?" 

"Seventeen.." 

"Teenaged angst." Billy sighed. " All right, I'll go. I have nothing better to do." He lied. 

|~*~| 

The Queens was based on the old plan of it's sunken predecessor so the only difference was the ship's steel was still a sleek silver compared to the rust covered ship that sailed these same seas about 4 years ago before Deus' Angels had shredded the hull. The miracle was that of the sixteen hundred people on the ship nearly fifteen hundred and forty five people survived. All the survivors were willing to work to make a new ship and start again to be once more cradled in the arms of their beloved mother, the sea. "Or it could have been for the beer hall." Thames laughed heartily as he and Billy stepped into the bridge of the ship. 

"Could be." Billy murmured looking around quietly before eyebrows rose in surprise at the large mass of people wandering on the bridge of the Queens. "Nor did I think you'd have so many crew hands." He watched a drunken sailor pass by as the young minister fought a brief inner struggle over shame and envy of the man's situation. 

The demi-human frowned darkly yet didn't answer directly to Billy's question. "HANS!" He bellowed as the cynical second mate lumbered up from his position near the navigation board. Like Thames, Hans was a demi-human but that's where the similarities stopped. Hans was a dolphin-demi-human with a bit more common sense than his captain but did not have as much compassion as Thames. Hans was loyal and a good match against the amiable sea captain's ways. The second hand mate looked at the captain with a faint look of amusement or the best dolphin could look amused in Billy's eyes. "She flipped Captain." 

"Who? The Wee One?" 

"She hasn't killed anyone but she has a gun and chased everyone out." Hans said grimily before seeing Billy and nodded in acknowledgement. "So Black here is going to be helping us clam her down?" 

"Aye, that he is." 

For a moment the second mate gave Billy a hard look then turned his attetion to Thames. "Capt'n?" Hans asked with his tone low and emotionless. 

Thames scowled at his first mate being a bit ruffled about being disturbed to hear Hans' utter nonsense. "Yes, yes, what it is it, man? I'm rather busy about contemplating about the situation here-" 

In the same low montone voice that gained an edge of irritability rising with each syllable Hans asked, "Have you told him who the 'Wee One' is Captain?" Billy could imagine the dolphin raising an an eyebrow if he had one.   
  
"There's a very good reason why I didn't tell him Hans!" The walrus' voice was sharper than usual. Normally he was a carefree man but in dire situations the stern commanding side of him that had kept the old captian at sea for nearly 50 years would be made clear. "Make yourself useful and leave it to me. You have at the least 2 dozen people to argue and scold with." Hans winced as Thames turned his back to adress Billy once again. 

"What's the good reason?" Billy asked quietly, his arms crossing his chest as he looked at the captain with narrow aqua eyes and stern scowl on his face. 

The walrus coughed giving a side long glance at the door to the new Beer Hall. "Well, you already know her." 

"I do?" Billy questioned quietly, going through the women he had known during the past few years. "Who is she..." The identify of the girl dawned on him. 

"Maria Balathsar, remember her? Petite little girl?" Thames glanced at Billy who nodded grimly. 

"Yeah, I remember her. I haven't heard a thing about her in four years." 

Thames nodded ushering the young man toward the door to the Beer Hall. "She came to the Thames about a year ago and never has been any trouble. I didn't tell you who it was because we didn't want you to worry about her too much. Of course we didn't know she was going to take a gun. It's a shock really. Maria's a smart little thing, very quiet and willing to work hard but distant. We didn't think she was depressed about a week ago..." 

_Smart... yes but my impression of her was that she was nuttier than a fruitcake. What did she want to be for Solaris? Oh yes... Wings of Death... Quiet...? True, she never talked to anyone much before her father was killed but she was rude. Hard worker, yes, distant... I never did see her talk to anyone expect Chu-Chu._ "So what did she do?" The young minister queried. 

"... She slashed her wrists last week." 

"I see." 

The captain sighed. "I know... this might not work but. Please, help her." 

Billy bowed his head in grim nod feeling the blood vessels start to pound against his temple. This day was getting worst by the minute. 

|~*~| 

She stood by the window that looked out to the gray sky and dark green-black sea. Billy never loved the sea or Aquvy like his father or Prim and stormy days that turned beautiful colors of blue into dark shades of depression gave him justification to hate the ocean and his home. 

Maria hardly grown from the small figure he remembered four years ago. She barely reached the height of five feet now and might of weighed over ninety pounds with slight curves of adulthood. Her long cruly ashen hair hung in a twisted braid that reminded Billy of _him_... The young man hissed at the memory altering the young girl to his presence. She turned around slowly as her haunted green eyes settled on him. 

"Billy Lee Black... what are you doing here?" Her voice was heavy despite it's airy quality. He couldn't call the voice dead but rather very tried. In her right hand she carried a small gun. 

The young girl trembled as he stepped closer to her and took a step back with the slim gun pointed at her right temple. "Maria..." He whispered in a voice delicate as a butterfly's as the tanned hand reached out to take the slim metal weapon away from her tiny grasp. The gun froze as she looked at the cold and dead aqua colored eyes with her own green eyes that shimmered with unfallen tears. "What are you trying to do?" Billy demanded in a whisper. 

"Kill myself." She answered softly. 

"Don't think you're the only one who is alone right now, I've been through it too." The young man urged softly as his fingers grasped the delicate bone of her wrist. 

"No," The voice as soft as a feather had the tone of lead answered back. "You're a lair, Black." 

"Maria, I know where you're coming from." Billy now firmly took her wrist and almost made her drop the gun. A whimper escaped Maria's throat as she struggled to keep the gun's aim true. 

"Black," She begged, "Don't make me get blood all over you. You will never understand." 

"Try me." Billy dared, glowering at her. His headache was raging now. 

"Who are you fucking?" She asked sharply, feeling his grip grow tighter around her wrist. The gun shook again. A blush of anger crossed his face as a self-satisfied smile crossed the young girl's face. 

"How does that matter?" Billy asked sharply then paused. "Why does it matter?" He asked again in a gentle butterfly tone again. 

She scowled as if she hated that tone of voice. "Someone wants you." Maria's voice was weak now. "Do you speak to your father?" 

"Yes..." His tone was regrettable. 

"I can't." 

"Maria..." 

"Do you have friends that -" 

"They're YOUR friends too." 

"Do you get birthday cards from them?" 

"You're killing yourself because you don't get fucking birthday cards?" He asked, his eyes widened at the absurdity of it. 

"Answer me." 

"Yes. Why?" 

"They remember you." 

"Christ Maria, if that's all you wanted-" 

"No!" She shirked. "Don't you get it? No one bothered to ask me!" 

"You wouldn't get close to us!" 

"They got close to you!" A sob, her grip became weak and the gun fell to the floor. "You didn't want to! I know! I asked! I was a 13 year old who found out her father's brain was put into a gear that _I HAD TO FUCKING DESTORY_!" He caressed the wrist that was still holding it's position near her temple and guided it down to her sides as tears flowed down her checks. "The one person who cared about me, I had to kill. It's all because of Solaris who will never answer that crime." 

"What about Zephyr? Your grandfather?" 

"Zephyr was too disillusioned with the loss of Shevat. Grandpa... he was too distant to me." Haunted green eyes looked up to him. "My only companion I had was Seibzehn, a gear. A goddamned gear!" She tried to pull away yet to Billy's surprise he found himself holding both her wrists and winced at the sudden jolt of pain rushing in his head. "And now he's gone..." 

"Do you still want to compare our lives Black!?" Maria raged, still struggling to pull away. "Let's see... you have an utterly adoring sister-" 

"Who said my father's name, not mine." He prompted genteelly. 

"You have a sister, someone to cry with when things went wrong." Maria hissed. "Are you a virgin Black?" 

"No... Maria, sex isn't love it's-" Another pulse of pain rushed in his brain as he blinked, wouldn't his father said something like this to him? 

"Are you sleeping with Fatima still?" 

"Maria..." Billy's voice cracked. 

"Does he love you..." Her voice trembled. 

His voice was weak. "He did... we're not lovers anymore but-" The headache was tearing at him now and he was starting to feel sick. 

"Someone loved you..." She murmured. "Did you- Do you love him?" 

"Yes..." He answered with his voice shaking. "Maria, don't bring this up. Please..." 

"You had your loved returned for even if it wasn't forever." Haunted eyes looked up to the aqua gaze. "Are you alone now?" 

"No, little one." He whispered, his lips dry. "But I don't know if it's love. It's not like the one I lost." 

"I never had it at all." Tears rolled down her checks slowly. 

He was silent yet the headache raged on. 

That was 5 hours ago. 

Billy opened the door at his family's house as he and the young woman stepped into the house escaping the still raining skies. Jessie looked up form his book and raised an eyebrow. "We have a visitor?" 

The young man nodded as he ushered the slip of flesh and bones into the warm confines of the cozy cabin. "Yeah for a little while." Billy left Maria and his father to return to a warm bed, a sleeping lover, and a shot of whiskey. 

More coming soon.   
Authors Babble: (revised)   
My ego and my plot has been boosted by the comments so yes, you can expect longer story. Yes, we will have a conferination between Billy and Bart. Yes, we will see Maria and Billy fight more. Yes, we will find out who Angela is. Yes, you will see more characters. Yes, they will not be Mary Sue's (I hope).Yes, you will find out the reason why BxB broke up. Yes, you will see all of the Fatima family. No, it will have NOTHING to do with making the plot to Xenogears make any sense. No, it will not all happen in one chapter. 

Keep commenting. 

Please...?   
-Janis 


	2. isolation

_sheared screams chap. two: isolation_   
_By Janis_   
__   
  
Warnings   
Drugs are discussed, dark themes,language. I know NOTHING about drug use so if it sounds strange and don't know what I'm talking about, don't tell me. I don't care. (( )) Means it's spoken in a different language than 'common' or english.   
**** xenogears is owned by square   
**** "isolation" lyrics by david bowie   
  
_needed you, you were only using_   
_meeding you just tore me down_   
_here i stand in isolation_   
_feeling emptiness and doubt_   
_walking down the broken highway_   
  
Maria woke up finding herself curled in a warm and comfortable bed hearing the soft chirping of a bird greeting the new day. The young woman sat up slowly with an alert gaze as she studied the unfamiliar surroundings of the bedroom. She was in a small but cozy room with little decorations with the exception of a chest of drawers on one side of the room littered with pictures while above the drawers was a mounted gun. On the opposite side of the room from the drawers there was a rocking chair with various stuffed animals adjacent to a small bookshelf filled with various books. 

She stood up slowly to see she was wearing a long white tee shirt that swam on her small frame and her clothes she wore the night before were next to her suitcase. For a moment the young Shevatian looked blankly at the suitcase but started to change from the shirt she used as a nightgown to the brown overalls and jumpsuit she wore on the Queens. As she tugged on her books her she remembered she was at the Black house now yet it was only a faint blur of memory. Maria was surprised she remembered that much, she could barely remember what had happened to the time she found the handgun on the bar table to when the blessed darkness took her conscious to slumber. 

The young woman was vaguely aware of leaving the Queens the night before but the cold rain had washed away any lasting deals leaving only the damp chill in her bones. Maria wasn't sure how she left the Queens but she could manage to remember entering into someplace warm and dry that sheltered her from the frozen rain and perhaps the even colder pain inside her stomach. A warm if rough voice comforted her and directed her to a bed where she willingly fell into arms of sleep. Dreaming... she wasn't aware of what she was dreaming anymore, she had stopped paying attention long ago. Living, walking, breathing, and dreaming felt too similar lately, it was just too hard to do, let alone spending time to think about it. 

She remembered the gun... she remembered Billy… she remembered crying… she… Her mind snapped into a blank state and pulled up her clearest memory that she was willing to reflect on. It was a memory of heat and fire; she was working in the metalwork's department of the Queens; it might have been few hours before yesterday's situation, it might have been from a year ago. Time just seemed so muddled to young woman now. 

Maria remembed herself working. She was bowed and she wore a ironworker's mask and matching suit to protect her delicate face and body from liquid iron, steel, and copper that she poured into molds that were pressed together to make long metal sheets. Maria guessed that the sheets would be used for repairing the ship and replacing the half dozen deep-sea diving gears that had been lost recently. She could have been in one of the half dozen gears if she hadn't of being six inches shorter than the required five feet and four inches to pilot the dive gears.   
  
In Maria's opinion, life was truly unfair for the suffering. If she had gone in the place of just one man it would have meant a family didn't have to suffer thanks of her unselfish act. She supposed people would think of it that that way or find it a huge stroke of luck and no one would of thought of it selfish. Yet the young Shevatian was certain she would have gotten the better end of the deal. But no, life just wasn't fair. 

The proto-type for a suitable replacement engine for the gears had been constructed about two years ago based on the ideas of her grandfather Isaac Balthasar and her late father Nikolai. If she remembered correctly, Maria was quite sure that Shitan Uzuki had a hand in the creation of the new engine but had dropped out from the project to spend more time with his family. About a year after that, Balthasar gave the plans to another nation. Aveh, Kislev, Aquvy, and the Queens had applied for the plans of the new engine while the survivors of Solaris and Shevat ignored the matter all together. 

The surviving Solarians (mostly soldiers with their families with a fair mix of all civilian classes) knew that no matter how noble the intentions were they wouldn't be granted the engine plans for obvious reasons while the Shevatians were content to build a new township near Nisan. Of the nations remaining her grandfather had ruled out Aveh and Kislev due to the risk of nationalists getting their hands on the plans and causing trouble to the broken nations. Aquvy had no money to put the engine into use and the plans then would be in risked of being sold or lost to the remaining Etones. The plans were granted to the Queens due to the fact the ship-city depended on fishing and scavenging the seas to make it's living. Maria was sent with the plans to the city-ship and there she remained to work on the engine and the gears. 

When the 'new' technology reached the Queens the joy the citizen's felt was replaced by shock to find out that the engine's stalled after 3 hours of use causing many divers to be lost to the sea. Maria felt only jealousy. That had lead her to the bar to join the crew in the mourning of the lost gears and men… she had found a gun…. 

Maria sighed and shook her head as she walked down the hallway attempting to dismiss the cold thoughts from her head as her hand rested against a wooden wall with grain paneling that was rough against her fingers. Her left hand that ran against the wall seemed alien to the rest of her delicate appearance, she had burned her left hand numerous times out of her own carelessness in the engine room and metalworking room of the Queens. Her 'accidents' resulted in a large black gash of scar tissue that streaked down from her thumb to her bony wrist while her right hand had been sprinkled with cuts that healed in less notable white scars that accented frailty of her fingers. Slowly the young woman moved down the hall hearing the noise of dishes clicking as she saw a little boy rush out of doorway only to pause to give her a curious look. 

For a moment they stared at one another before the child returned to his previous thoughts and ran down the hallway to the front door of the cabin. As the young girl moved down the hallway she realized that the house she was in had been the small cabin that Billy's orphans lived in only a few years ago. Maria wearily stood at the doorway to the kitchen and took another step into the room and was greeted with the beckoning smell of warm oatmeal and cinnamon. As the Shevatian entered the room she curiously glanced around at her new surroundings. 

The kitchen-dining room had once been the living room, a term used for lack of a better word for the main hall that she remembered, was large and a feeling of cozy comfort settled in her stomach. The room still had the cast iron stove with a larger stone and mortar oven that the Blacks had added during the four years after Deus. Opposite of the ovens and stove was a large ice box which the surface was littered with the children's drawings while in the very back of the room there was a wooden sink with an open cup broad where the dishes were stacked neatly in it. 

"You sleep okay?" 

Maria jolted at the crisp words and whirled around with a little gasp to face their speaker. 

"I guess I won't offer you coffee." The rough yet warm voice of Jessiah chuckled. 

The young woman frowned at this as she took a moment to steady her nerves and found herself clasping her hands behind her back. 

She vaguely recognized the voice as the one that helped her last night and stern looking battle scared man who searched for Solaris and Seibzehn years ago. At this Maria nodded and slowly began to back out of the room. "Don't you want any breakfast?" 

Again she paused and glanced at the older man who gave her a friendly smile. "I saved you a bowl and some corn cakes but you're going to have to wash your dishes and put it away after you're done." 

Maria sat down carefully and nodded solemnly. In silence she ate the hot cereal quickly barely noting the taste before she started to cut her cakes.   
"I know this is a stupid question to ask. I'm sure you've been over it with Billy." Jessiah's voice became softer, "Why did you almost kill yourself?" 

She paused in mid-cutting to give Jessiah a blank stare, putting her hand down and laid the fork and knife onto the table. 

The man smiled back to the blank face. "I'm out of the loop, Maria. From Billy's reaction I take it he didn't ask to tactfully. He's never been good with people, gets it from his dad as much as he hates to admit it." 

"I suppose." Her voice was strained as she spoke softly. 

"Are you angry darlin'?" He asked in a fatherly tone. To his brief surprise her look became incredulous as her brows furrowed together and became tight-lipped giving the delicate face a look of edginess. For a brief moment Jessiah re-ran what he said to her in his head then nodded. "I'm not being fresh Maria, I'm used to calling Prim that and you remind me of her." 

"Why do I remind you." It wasn't a question; it was challenge to gain her trust on answering the question he had asked her. 

Jessiah closed his eyes for a moment as he gathered his thoughts and opened them to see her cold green eyes. "You're in trouble and need someone to help you get back on your feet and encourage you to try again. That's what a father does. To protect his kids until they have the strength to stand on their own and to guide them on when they're scared to see their own strength and new-self. That's what I'll do for Prim and that's what I'll do for you." 

She seemed satisfied with that answer as she took her knife and fork to cut the rest of the corn cakes not saying a word. Jessiah took a sip of his coffee and waited while she put her knife down to switch her fork to her now vacant left hand and started to eat gingerly. After a few bites she spoke up. "I'm angry at myself, maybe with the world." 

The elder Black nodded and set down his coffee mug. "I think I can understand, Maria." 

Maria looked up at him in mid-chew, swallowed then frowned. "No, you don't." 

He seemed to be content with nodding. "You're right. I can't understand. I badly worded the statement. May I try again?" She said nothing. "I can't blame you for feeling like that. I've lost my parents but that was because of sickness and that's not what happened to Nikolai. You're mad that your father's dead?" 

"I'm mad I can't avenge him." She said emotionlessly before taking another bite of her breakfast. 

"Can't avenge him? It's..." He let out a sigh, running a hand down his face. "Judging by what people told me he was never a vengeful man. He would never want his death to burned you-" 

"Then what am I supposed to do?" Her voice began to rise in anger. 

Jessiah began reach across to put a hand on her shoulder as she glared at him. "Live." 

She scooted away from his hand giving the older man a frustrated and irritated look. "And what if my only usefulness as a human being is gaining revenge? That's what's all I've been taught." The ashen hair girl's voice grew cold. 

The marksmen frowned as he took his hand away and crossed his arms on his chest pulling out old memories on the young girl and going through them in his mind. He then reached out for his coffee asking, "Who taught you that?" 

"Circumstances." 

His face darkened as he narrowed closer on his gut instinct. "Did Balthasar-" 

"No, I had seen Grandpa only once when I was in Shevat and that's was a month after Seibzehn and I escaped." 

An unmistakable scowl crossed his ragged features as his grip on his coffee mug strengthened. "Did the Queen force you to fight when you got to Shevat?" 

Her expression grew confused. "Force? No, she suggested me doing it when I was nine. Seibzehn wouldn't listen to anyone else." 

He shook his head to clear his anger then glanced up at Maria. "I'd imagine you're not on good terms with Zephyr?" Her face grew more puzzled. "I was the one who told Billy to go to the Queens and unless if Shevat's township failed and taking refuge on the ship you wouldn't on there- much less working." 

"She's not mad at me if that's what you mean." Her tone was partly sulky and wryly at the same time. "She... She's given up and takes the blame of the loss of so many people of Shevat, the whole Angelos War, as her fault. I just felt that I wasn't wanted so I moved with Grandpa for a little while... It's not his fault but my fault for being so picky but it was hard for me to live in the Fossil Cavern and he had so much to do but I left anyway. Again." 

"I see your reasoning. A teenaged girl shouldn't have to live under the ground for many reasons. Did you get enough food?" 

She nodded. 

"Did you get in the sun much?" 

She shook her head. 

"How was your education?" 

"I know the three 'R's, I can repair gears, I've designed them but under the Zophar style engine, I know the history of Shevat, Solaris, and the Surface Dwellers, I can do calculus, I know the myths of the world, and I know about basic physics." 

Jessiah glanced about quickly and lowered his voice. "Was it sanitary for you?" 

"Pardon?" 

"What did you do about your menstrual cycle?" He asked again in a serious tone. 

A blush rushed across her checks. "I came prepared for a few months. However I left before I could run out of..." 

Jessie sipped some more of his coffee. "How did you get out?" 

"Grandpa sent me to deliver the plans to Captain Thames and I asked if I could stay. Both the Captain and Grandpa didn't mind it." 

"So why did you leave?" He leaned back in the chair, looking at her with a firm if grim look on his face. 

"... I felt trapped." Her voice was pitiful and she lowered her head in shame. "I needed to see other people, but the most silly thing of all is that when I returned to the surface I couldn't people with out fear..." 

"Fear?" 

Maria nodded, brushing a hand cross her check. "Yes." 

"Why?" 

"I couldn't look at them with out feeling like they were targets..." 

"Maria," Jessiah asked, leaning back to look at the girl. "Tell me what happened on the Queens before yesderday, as much as you can remember." 

|~*~| 

Angela woke up to see faint sunlight peeking through the blinds of the bedroom. The blonde woman yawned sitting up cross-legged pushing the crumpled bed covers wearing a ragged undershirt and shorts. While she was reluctant to leave the warmth of the bed Angela was pleased to find out the pounding headache had faded away to a comfortable buzz. Rubbing her eyes she glanced over to the sleeping figure next to her and a smile crept over her lovely but waning features. 

Billy was curled up on his side, facing away from her and stripped down to his waist. His silver-white hair gleamed in the faint sunlight with his arm crossed over his eyes unintentionally shielding them from the light. Angela smiled down at him and smoothed away some of the silver locks from his forehead. She wasn't used to seeing or feeling another warm body by her side and yesterday she was sure she made that apparent by being so rude to him. 

She curled to his side and sighed, resting her head on his bare stomach listening to him breathe in out in a soft rhythmic motion. Angela Heirens was not foolish, she wasn't in love with him and he wasn't in love with her, she knew that when he invited her home but he had been the first warm companionship she had in 4 years. She gave the sleeping young man a crooked grin and kisses his check briefly. His fine lips opened softly and muttered sweet sounding words in an unfamiliar tongue and fell silent. 

The former Solarian looked up to his face and sighed, feeling his hands stroke her hair, a rare affectionate gesture that wasn't truly meant for her. She knew whom his feelings belonged to. Bartholomew Fatima. She had only heard of that young man's first name only a few times before from Jessiah who muttered his name darkly while glaring at her and in Billy's fevered whispers during the night. 

Who he was burned her curiosity but it never sparked a flame of jealously, she knew where her place was. ngela finally turned to Primera who explained to the older woman in her soft tone that Bart had been Billy's lover and it had been quite serious until it was broken off. 

Upon hearing Bart's description and last name after more prodding Angela gave a bitter and ironic smile as she looked up from the gentle little girl and chuckled softly. She thanked Primera with a warm smile, Prim was the only Black besides Billy who treated her as a respectable human, and said nothing more about the matter again. 

Angela had been once a former second class citizen whose knowledge of Lamb History and culture had been par to none and she had been the perfect candidate to instruct Gebler soldiers on the surface. The then-twenty year old woman jumped at the chance to serve in Gebler as a teacher on the surface for ten years for the exchange of becoming first classes upon her return to Solaris. Of course that didn't happen…   


She was sure the cause of Billy's break up was the betrothal of the Great Mother to the King of Aveh, a process that happened every other generation or so, but she never did attempt to confirm it with Billy. She already treaded on eggshells in the first place and she decided to look up the information herself later. That had been four months ago, long before she had seriously developed a taste for a modified version of Drive called Renzor. 

Angela sighed and ran her hand through her long pale ash blonde hair and sat up. She padded slowly to her dresser drawer pulling out two dime bags, a match book, and a pipe and set it on the surface of the drawer before getting dressed into a long sleeved coal colored shirt and blue jeans and sandals. Jessie had promised her that if he ever caught her smoking around Billy or inside the house he wouldn't hesitate to kill her, Angela had long decided not to test his request. 

She slipped out the room to wander downstairs to the kitchen to grab any remaining food hearing the soft voices of Jessiah and a new young girl's voice long before she came to the door. The former professor slipped in quietly to receive a glare from Jessiah and a sheepish smile crossed her face while she picked up an apple. "Didn't mean to bug anyone, sorry about that." The girl turned around to look at her and Angela gave her a friendly smile. "Hey, who's the new girl?" 

"Maria..." Her voice was very soft, very tried. 

(Gods, she looks and sounds like she's been trying heavier stuff than I have.) Angela nodded. "Welcome to the orphanage, Jessie hasn't scared you yet, has he?" 

The girl shook her head, delicate curls swaying to and fro. "On the contrary, he's been a kind host to me." 

Angela nodded and glanced at Jessie, his once friendly expression contorted into a dark scowl with fierce hawk like eyes. Again the woman grinned at him, daring to him to say something to before flipping her hair and dismissing the challenge. "Lemme guess Jess, she's not a crack whore like me?" 

The former Solarian general narrowed his aqua eyes and crossed his arms in front of his chest and began softly in his native tongue, "((I know you take Renzor, Heirens.))" 

His voice became tight, neatly clipped, yet low and dangerous. Maria turned abruptly to look wide-eyed at Jessiah. Apparently she never heard the older man speak in such a refined way after hearing his rough common. Jessie continued. "((But whatever fancy name you and your 'friends' slap on it, it's still shit.))" His gaze flickered to Angela's right hand that held her pipe gingerly. "((Don't you dare to light up close to the house, I -))" 

"You'll be watching me. I know. You've told me a million times." The former professor turned druggie smirked and spun around on her heel heading to the exit of the kitchen. "I'll remember!" 

Jessiah growled, uncrossing his arms to take out a small pocketknife from his worn belt rubbing the side of the blade on his shirt. "Not if you burn a hole in your brain first…" 

Maria swallowed softly then glanced at the grim face that glared at the doorway behind her. 

She had no belief he was glaring at her but she was too nervous to ask one final question before that woman popped into the room. "Mr. Black?" 

Jessiah exhaled and sharpened the edge of his thumbnail, took another deep breath before adverting his gaze to look at her. 

A frown was still on the former general's face but it softened when he addressed Maria.   
"'Mr. Black'? Jeez, that's worst than calling me Jessiah! Not even the little brats call me that." He smiled faintly at the fond and affectionate reference to the children of the orphanage. "It's Jessie, even to you." 

"I've been taught to be polite," Maria gave him a tiny smile. 

He gave her a stern look. 

"Mr. Jessie?" 

He scowled but sighed, rolling his eyes to the heavens then grinned back at her. "That'll do." 

"Whose bed was I sleeping in?" 

"Prim's, she didn't mind sleeping with the rest of the girls." 

"Oh..." The young Shevatian looked down at her boots. "When do I have to leave?" 

"Maria," Jessie reached out to touch her shoulder causing her to look up at him with some fear etched in her eyes, "Did I ever make a reference that you have to leave today or in a year? You can stay, I encourage you to stay, as long as you want." 

"Should I move into the girl's room then, so Prim can have her bed back?" 

"Prim asked to move a bunk bed so you two can share, she'll still pretty fond of you and she was worried when you came in a daze." Jessie confided. "She's more than happy to share her room with you for a little while." The former Solarian paused then looked at the girl critically. "And Maria?" 

"Yes, sir... Err... Mr. Jessie?" 

"Get changed into some of our clothes, there's some in the bin down the hall, third door to your right. I checked your bags, got nothing but those work outfits. That's just not right for a young lady." 

Maria offered another tiny smile. "Thank you." She rose from her seat and Jessie watched her leave the kitchen. The former general took a sip on his coffee and glanced up to hear the voice of his son exchange greetings with Maria. Billy entered the kitchen and made way to the iron stove poured a cup of hot black coffee from the stove and took the last remaining corn cake and sat down sullenly in the chair Maria occupied. 

Jessiah coughed catching his son's attention. "According to Thames she's been showing sings of depression for quite a while now, however from what she told me yesterday was the first time she done any harm to herself in public-" 

"So you're going to bitch at me for her almost pulling the trigger?" Billy asked quietly, raising his lips to the mug and took a sip. "I was having a fucking migraine and hung over, that's not exactly the situation you want when dealing someone like that." 

"Billy, I was just going over her conditions with you. Under the conditions you had, you made sure she didn't do anything that could harm someone and bringing her back here was sound judgement." Jessie gave his son a stern glare then sighed. "Back to the kid." 

The younger Black shrugged biting into his breakfast. "So, figured out what's wrong with her?" 

"Tons of things." 

"That tells me a lot," Billy muttered bitterly. 

"Some paranoia, she's not handling the adjustment to normalcy very well. Of course all her environments she's been living in aren't exactly normal to start with." Jessie began, ". Hell, she's got an old man who refuses to leave his cave much less take proper care of his granddaughter and Zephyr gotten it in her mind that she's some loopy martyr who is the cause of all of this. Because of not having a normal family Maria believes her role in life is to be a weapon. There's anger to Solaris, of course. And not having her father around is pretty tough on her." 

"Why the hell didn't you tell me it was her?" The young man suddenly asked, raising his gaze to his father. "I could have been in a better position to talk to her in-" 

"I didn't want it to be personal to you Son until the last minute, it might effect your judgement." 

"Bullshit, you were scared I wouldn't do it." Billy scowled icily to Jessie. 

"Well, what the hell was I supposed to think?" Jessie snapped. "You've been bailing out on your issues and been ignoring the rest of your friends ever since you got back here-" 

Billy stood up. "I don't want to hear it Dad. Where's Angie?" 

The older man snorted, looking away. "The beach, getting stoned, or high, whatever that Renzor shit does to you," Jessie suddenly turned his head to look at his son, "And tell her to keep away from Maria too." 

"Fine…" With out a word Billy left the kitchen to go after his lover. 

Jessie took a deep sigh that ended with a choke and wiped his fist under his nose. He picked up his mug and plate to take them to the sink. "((Makes me want to drink again…))" The former general whispered.   



	3. manic depressive

sheared screams   
chap. three; manic depressive  
by janis (janis14@hotmail.com)  
  
Story Notes:   
/'In the dualistic Gnostic theology, the creator of the material world, which is evil by   
nature was called Demiurge. Hence he was identified by the early Christian Gnostic heretics   
with Yahweh.'/ (Taken from The Encyclopedia Mythica)   
  
Storywise I'm claiming the Demiurge is of Elru origin and is the Elru word for Deus.   
I don't know what the real name for the room/chamber in Mekrava where you fight Deus but   
I'm calling it Demiurge's Point. I lied eariler. It's not going to be mentioned as far as  
I know.  
  
-I'm rewriting the second of section of this, the old verison was horrid and unrealistic.   
The second part is important enough for it's own chapter.  
  
-I got a new computer that doesn't have a webpage editor so please excuse the notepad   
format.  
  
-College is evil.  
  
Warnings:   
  
-Langauge, more adult themes, lime, drug usage. Not for the kiddies.   
  
-Manic Depression lyrics written by Jimi Hendrix and now copyrighted by his family or   
some company goomba. I assume the company goomba, I don't think the Hendrix family   
would really approve of the idea of making cheezy commerials with Jimi's music.  
  
-Xenogears and all assoicted with it is owned and copyrighted by Square. They also own   
my soul, too. Why they want it is anyone guess. ^_^  
  
  
__________________________________________________________________________  
  
manic depression's  
touching my soul  
I know what I want but  
I just don't know how  
to go about getting it.  
Feeling, sweet feeling drops  
from my finger, fingers.  
manic depression's  
captured my soul.  
  
A high whine pierced the air and the rolling sound of a thunder like explosion   
echoed into the sky from the just outside the house. A shriek of surprise rang with the   
echoing of the explosion in Billy's ears as he felt Angela's arms warp tighter about his   
waist. The young minister sat straight up and in one smooth motion slipped out of the bed   
from his lover's grip, took a blanket draped over the chair, the carbine riffle, and moved   
swiftly towards the door. "Be careful!" Angela piped up, seeing a quick nod of his silver   
head before he left the room.   
  
  
Maria coughed as she crawled from the trap door of the hanger onto the playground   
of the orphanage and wiped her brow. Taking out a pencil she stuck in her mass of curls that   
been secured by a ponytail, she started to scribble on the notepad that she carried with   
her. "Too much pressure this time around..."   
  
/Kl-cluck!/  
  
Billy glared down the barrel of the rifle at the small figure then sighed   
recognizing the young woman. He wondered if Jessiah had brought any aspirin lately,   
the verge of another migraine was starting to pound in his head and not a word had   
passed between them, yet.   
  
* * *  
  
The first few weeks of Maria's three month presence at the Orphanage were utterly  
fine for Billy.   
  
The first few days she only joined them for dinner and then would retreat back to   
Primera's room soon afterwards. She was always quiet during the meal and never got into the  
conversations sparking a few of the children's interest. Jessiah always attempted to strike   
up a conversation and finally managed to break the ice. The young woman seemed to perk up   
after Jessie took her to the side one night after dinner and would voluntary stay behind in  
the kitchen to help out the older man and whatever child was cleaning the kitchen that night.   
  
Eventually Maria warmed up to the children that after dinner she would tell stories   
about Shevat to the children, namely the eternally sky gazing Christopher who christened the   
former country a UFO. The Shevatian girl answered the questions about the "The Sinning   
Termites" with grace and prestige and actually smiled hearing the descriptions of the   
children's view point on Zephyr. The children who had lived at the Snowy Hideout were amazed   
to find out that melancholy figure dressed in emerald green and soft grays and who looked no   
older than Maria was the vicious and vain Zephyr from their Ethos children's books.   
  
Maria also seemed to enjoy talking to Jessiah. The fact didn't bother Billy at first  
but slowly it became more nagging at the back of his mind as the days went by. He picked   
up parts and pieces of their conversations when he dropped by the kitchen for something to   
eat or picking up a bottle of liquor in the locked chest in the new main hall room. Normally   
the former general and young woman chatted about mechanics, weaponry on gears, humorous   
events, or religion. Upon hearing the word 'Ethos' or 'God', Billy would turn around empty   
handed from the room.   
  
But Billy never had a personal confrontation until two weeks ago when he began to   
find scraps of paper scattered about the house. The paper had notes that had been furiously   
scribbled on with sharp jagged handwriting that was written in jumble of Solarian and   
Shevatian. He only managed to make out a few words in Solarian and decided to throw away the   
paper into the kindling pile for the iron stove and the fireplace in the main hall. When   
most of the paper had been used for Billy's intended purpose Maria had shown up in the den   
with a puzzled look on her face, catching Billy cleaning out one of his rifles with a glass   
of rum and juice at arm's length.   
  
"Uhm... Black?" The tiny voice was soft.   
  
The young man was wearing shabby dungarees and equally shabby shirt. Normally he was   
dressed in something a bit more formal but not for cleaning out his weapons. He lazily took   
at sip of his drink casting a glance at her. "What's up Maria?"   
  
She was wearing one of Prim's older dresses; a plain sea-green cotton sundress with   
a pale ivory shirt, and it still seemed to be almost too big for her frame. "Have you, by  
any chance, seen some paper laying about?"   
  
"Hmm....?" For a moment Billy paused in thought but at the moment nothing struck his  
mind for being important. "I have, but nothing special."   
  
She frowned. "It has writing on it you know. Some of it Solarian. Your father   
said you where born in Solaris and left when you were about five so I figured you know   
some basics of Solarian."   
  
"Oh." The young man nonchalantly shrugged, looking back down to his gun. "I saw  
them. I mistook them for trash-"   
  
"So they're in the trash can?" Maria's tone was hopeful.   
  
His gaze flickered up again to meet her haunted green eyes. "No, I used them for   
kindling. I had no clue what they were and I'm very sorry but-" He was cut off as blazing   
green eyes bored into his soul just inches away from his face.   
  
"You BURNED my plans!?"   
  
Billy sighed quietly and spoke evenly. "I thought they were scrap, Maria. I'm   
sorry-"   
  
"How COULD you!?" Maria snapped, pointing her finger at the silvery haired young   
man. "I worked for DAYS on them Black! Days!"   
  
His face darkened angrily. "How dare you snap at me... Who owns this house?"   
  
"Your father."   
  
"According to Aquvy law it also belongs to me. I'm also the one who brought you   
here." He said in calm tones with an edge of anger. "Don't you dare yell at me for your   
mistakes, Maria. If you don't want people to destroy your stuff, take care of it."   
  
She scowled bitterly at him before opening her mouth, paused and then closed it,   
turning around and leaving the room like a whirlwind. Billy resumed cleaning, proud for   
handling the situation so well, and assumed that was the end of it.   
  
While it was the end of that battle, it was the declaration of war between them.   
The following two weeks every time Billy spoke to Maria or vise versa it abruptly ended with   
a squabbling match or cruelly thrown potshots at one another. The last week had been easier   
because of Maria's mysterious disappearances during the day and even sometimes at night.   
Billy never questioned what had happened.   
  
* * *  
  
Maria looked up mildly to see a gun aimed at her head and stared up the rifle   
blankly to cold aqua eyes that glared at her with malice. She frowned; brushing a stray of   
lock of pale ashen hair from her eyes then proceeded to speak, "Good morning Black, the   
steam engine is giving me problems this morning." A soft hint of a smile tugged the girl's   
lips. "Did I interrupt you and Miss Heirns this morning?"   
  
Billy scowled down at her and slowly bargained with himself on the merits of letting   
her live. /Sleep. Being charged for murder. Sleep. Being charged for murd-/  
  
"What the fuck's going on out here!?" A harsh voice snapped behind the young man in   
the darkness causing Maria to jump as Billy merely glared over his shoulder.   
  
"She's going to end up blowing us up." Billy simply growled to his father.   
  
"It's a steam engine I was working on, Jessie." Maria answered softly.   
  
"You're calling him Jessie now!?"   
  
"I have been for a month! Haven't you been paying attention or has the liquor drowned   
that fact from your memory?"   
  
Jessiah sighed and spoke in his cool harsh tone, "William. Maria. Shut up." Billy   
turned his shoulder to shoot his father an accusing glare and was matched by Jessiah's stern   
eyes. "Billy, you're not going to shoot her today so put down the carbine." The muscles of   
Billy's shoulders' tensed as he lowered his gun. "Good boy," Jessie muttered stepping to   
where his son stood patting his back, the younger man flinched throwing up another glare and   
stepping away. "Maria, get over here."   
  
The young woman gave a sigh, standing up with a frown. "I'm, I'm sorry. I thought   
the gauge said 50 instead of 75-" She looked up quietly to rugged older man before shyly   
looking away. "It was dark and I haven't slept since yesterday night-"   
  
"You haven't slept since yesterday?" Jessiah asked, crossing his arms over his   
chest. Maria hung her head and glanced at him again then to Billy, almost daring him to say   
something, then she nodded. "That's dangerous for your health, if you're not worried about   
your health then worry about the kids."   
  
"That's why I work at night, so the kids won't get hurt-"   
  
"You scared half of them to death." Billy snapped.   
  
"I know." Maria said meekly, chewing her lower lip. Billy was mildly surpised she   
didn't ask if he personally checked.  
  
"Maria," The older Black shook his head, dragging a hand down his face, "I told you   
it was fine to work in the gear hanger in the mornings during the week when the kids were at   
school and in the evenings."   
  
"I know, I know, but I was getting so close to perfecting it-"   
  
Billy's jaw dropped before shaking his head and narrowing his eyes. "You're   
using /my/ hanger? I was the one who put it in and it's for my gear-"   
  
"I cleaned it up and El-Renmazuo is stored at Fort Jasper. Your hanger is   
empty-"   
  
"Who told you could mess with my stuff?" Billy asked in an icy tone.   
  
"You haven't been down there is since you put Renmazuo in the Yggdrasil four years   
ago when you joined with Fei and Bart!" Maria took a step closer to Billy with her fists   
clenched in rage. "After all, isn't it you who said, 'If you don't want people to destroy  
your stuff, take care of it'?"   
  
"Both of you, shut up!" Jessie flared and both silenced, the young man casting   
another fuming glare at his father and the young girl looked away with a face of shame. "Okay, Maria?"   
  
"Yes Jessie?"   
  
"You don't have to defend me by not saying that I was the one who gave you the okay   
for you to go use the hanger. He's my son and I fight with him on a regular basis so it's   
nothing new. Don't provoke him for my sake. Now get cleaned up, it's about five o'clock and   
it's a school day so the kids are gonna have to be up by six thirty. Your punishment for not   
being responsible is to make breakfast for the brats and also you can't go to sleep until   
normal bed time." He smiled at her confused look. "I know, it's harsh but there's a good   
reason for it, I'm going to nail you on a regular sleeping pattern like it or not. If you   
feel faint then I'll let you take a nap but that's the only acceptation."   
  
"I understand... I'm tried but not that tried." Maria murmured then gave him   
assuring smile.   
  
"You will be later tonight Darlin', just go and make breakfast. Nothing fancy but   
it's to keep you busy." Jessie said softly.   
  
"Yeah, see you later Jessie." The young girl sighed, yawning before heading in. Before   
entering the house she threw a glance over her shoulder to see the older Black lecturing his   
son and she frowned slightly noting he wore fleece pants that were used for pajamas and   
boots. /He must be freezing… he's got more scars on his back?/ She wondered in amazment   
before reaching for the door handle. The door open on it's own.  
  
"Maria?"   
  
The girl swung her head to look at Angela.   
  
"What's going on?"   
  
"No one's hurt, Billy will let you know his side when he gets in," She said quickly,   
moving past the taller figure to the kitchen.   
  
  
* * *  
  
Jessiah waited until the young girl was out of hearing distances and saw the brief   
words spoken between the girl and Angela. When the pale willowy former Solarian looked up to   
the two and the older gun's men shook his head and gestured for the woman to head in. He   
then turned to his son and began his low rough voice, "You're attacking her son.. You are   
not giving her a chance to-"   
  
"Well excuse me for not trusting her after seeing her wave a gun in my face and trying to   
blow her brains out!" Billy snapped. "I don't like her hanging around in MY hanger nor I do like   
her spending all that time working on God knows what!"   
  
"She's got it in her head she can make a steamed based engine for an airplane."   
Jessie shrugged. "She's been telling me about the design about it about a month ago. In fact   
I sent a copy of it to Hyu just to review the design but knowing the kid, she might very   
well do it. She's smarter than she looks."   
  
"And you're not BOTHERED by the fact she's Manic Depressive?" Billy snorted,   
hitching the blanket even tighter about his lithe frame.   
  
"Manic Depression is more of a biological disorder Billy. She's Clinically Depressed;   
it's more of a menta-" The marksmen began in a soft tone.   
  
"She depressed and a maniac! I don't care what the official way of calling it is;   
she's got problems! That's not enough for me to trust her with the kids or the hanger!"   
  
"Hobbies help people out in depression, she's hates herself, not the kids." The   
older man ran a hand through his ragged white hair. "I trust her with the kids, don't trust   
her with herself."   
  
"I won't even go how fucking nuts that sounds Jessiah, I'm going back to bed." The   
young man snarled, marching towards the house then towards the attic bedroom that he and   
Angela shared. The young man glanced out of the blinds of their only window and scowled   
lightly seeing his father finally walk in. He let out a heavy sigh and walked to the bed and   
slumped down in the sheets.   
  
"What's wrong?" A whispering voice asked.   
  
"Everything…" Billy muttered, sprawling on his back. "I hate her Angie…"   
  
"You don't hate her, Billy." Angela whispered again, starting to undress and crawled   
next to Billy to tug the blanket about his waist. The blanket slipped from his waist and   
exposed his nudity to her as she began to stroke his length. "At the very least, you don't   
hate her just because..."   
  
"Angela… Not when we're talking…" Billy moaned at the soft administrations.   
  
"It kinky." She giggled straddling his the curve of his leg near his waist started   
to grind against him.  
  
"Says you." He gritted through his teeth. "I hate her because she's a nut case and   
might hurt the kids."   
  
"That's not it." Angela sang, leaning over him, and his hands began to caress her   
breasts.   
  
"What is it then?"   
  
"You're jealous of her."   
  
"What the hell am I jealous about?" He brushed away a lock of pale blonde hair to   
tuck it behind her ear.   
  
"You're jealous she's getting along so well with your father, you see her as a rival   
for your father's affections."   
  
"Christ, all you Solarians have a minor in psychology?"   
  
"It's a required course."   
  
"Figures, but I don't like my father at all."   
  
"You missed your father, you're angry that he spent time away from you, and you told   
me it's justified-"   
  
"It was justified."   
  
"It still hurts. Did you ever had a father figure besides Jessie?"   
  
Billy shuddered, feeling her hot breath on his neck and a brief memory. "The   
relationship was platonic... you could say yes." Angela giggled softly at his response as he   
raised his head to look at her. He shook his head as she kissed his check. "No, I never   
touched him. I wanted to."   
  
"Say no more... but technically that's not a father figure."   
  
"I thought it was, you're not the only one who read a book or two."   
  
"That my personal opinion Billy-boy." She murmured in his ear. "A father figure is  
someone who takes care of you and loves you and doesn't expect anything more than you to   
achieve. It's not someone you want to fuck."   
  
"Tell that to half the psychology society," He sighed, "But I'm not jealous of her,   
I'm not jealous of Prim, am I?"   
  
"According to Prim, you were mad that she spoke to Jessiah first."   
  
"I was the one who was raising her, of course I was mad! He came out of nowhere and   
suddenly she's a Daddy's girl!" He growled, feeling her soft lips on his neck. "I was the   
one who gave up everything... my pride, my body, my virginity… so she could eat... She has   
never said my name. Even now..."   
  
"Primera adores you and she knows all what you've sacrificed for her, her silence   
is something that no one can truly understand expect for you. After all, when she has a   
problem, she turns to you first. Oh, there is lot anger in you Billy about what happened   
with your father; you just showed me that. But you and Prim share a bond that reaches the   
past the point of siblings and falls just short of parent and child."   
  
"And because Maria is almost like a stranger and a total nutcase I'm pissed at her   
that's she's so close to my father, right?"   
  
"Roughly."   
  
"Shit…" He traced her back. "Why the hell do you do Renzor when you've got such a   
great mind?"   
  
"Remember our rule? You promised me never to nag about my drug habits while I   
promised not to bitch about your drinking habits. Fuck, I even join you with the booze."   
  
"That was before I found out you're brilliant when you're not snorting or smoking   
something."   
  
"My mind isn't meant for this world." Her voice became dry yet sad as she grasped   
his manhood and pressed it against her.   
  
"Like I am?" Billy smirked, bucking his hips.   
  
Angela moaned at his entry. "Shut up, and kiss me."   
  
  
* * *  
  
An hour or so later Billy sipped the bourbon he bought last week after his sermon   
from the town. He listened to the birds singing to greet the new day and listened to the   
soft rustling coming from the floor beneath him of the children waking up and eating   
breakfast. The young man sighed and glanced at the figure curled on the bed. Angela bragged   
about being a sex siren at times but in most cases she tried out easily but she satisfied   
his sex drive. Before she had taken Renzor she must have been a playful bedmate and Billy   
was slightly disappointed that he didn't get a chance to meet her then. But then he wouldn't   
have been interested; he wouldn't have agonized about the empty feelings in his stomach that   
no amount of sex or booze could fill. When he was younger he would have snorted at the idea   
that sex wasn't enough to satisfy in a relationship but then he had Bart. He could laugh   
then.   
  
Somewhat.   
  
Billy bitterly swallowed the equally bitter red liquid.   
  
The silver haired youth had pulled on another pair of pants and just leaned back in   
the comfortable chair and frowned as he recalled the bittersweet times and sighed icily.   
Back then he would have balked at the idea of sleeping with a woman. He wondered briefly   
that if he had been more willing to make love to a woman earlier would it have changed   
things with Bart, with Margie. Closing his eyes he could conjure the illusion of the poor   
young woman who had done this to him.   
  
It started really started four years ago, only a month after destroying Deus when   
the young girl had found them in an awkward position for the young king. A faint smile   
crossed Billy's features as raised the glass to his lips. A common belief was that he had   
been the submissive partner or more crudely, the woman. The young minister was reasonably   
sure Margie was more upset seeing her cousin under his weight moaning for him to fuck   
him harder than the sex it's self.   
  
The young girl had gasped catching both of their attentions and left the room. Billy   
wasn't surprised when the priestess didn't show up for dinner and it didn't seem like Bart   
wasn't too upset at that. He supposed it was cruel looking back on it but Billy assumed that   
Margie was merely embarrassed and Bart said nothing to make the former Etone believe   
otherwise. Two days later he heard the young King arguing with the Great Mother in the   
hallway.   
  
  
"Why didn't you tell me!" Margie's soft voice was pleading yet her youth made her   
sound almost shrill.   
  
"Because it was none of your god damned business!" Bart's voice had cut into the air   
harsh and angry. "You should have knocked!"  
  
"I did!"   
  
"There's a reason why I didn't answer Margie..."   
  
"Barty-"   
  
"Don't call me that!" Billy could feel the air grow cold.   
  
"Margie, what's gotten into you?" She said nothing as Bart went on. "You've gotten   
moody, irritable, whiney, and it hasn't been your little act. What's wrong?"   
  
"I thought... that we could be more-"   
  
"More? MORE? Margie, we're COUSINS! We CAN'T be more don't you understand? It's   
just… sick."   
  
"What you're…" Her voice had faltered and Billy's heart ached realizing what   
position the young girl, one of his dearest friends, had been in.   
  
"What Margie, what? Just end it. Okay? It'll be better for both of us." The usual   
cheerful tone had been cold, deadly almost.   
  
"What /you/ were doing was /sick/!" She suddenly snapped. "I don't want to be   
subjected to seeing that or you again!" The door suddenly opened and she nearly stumbled   
into Billy, her face dark with pain and anger. Margie's dark blue eyes flicked up to the   
beautiful young man's pale face as the anger faded away seeing whom she nearly knocked over.   
A look of apology and shame washed over her eyes and face.   
  
'I know, I know' he mouthed to her as she gathered herself up and stormed down the   
hall. The words were not aimed towards homosexuality in general or towards him. Billy knew   
her too well to think that, she was too open minded, too accepting and too loving to ever   
believe that. Those words were spoken to sting Bart. And she managed to do that but the   
effects wouldn't be felt until years later.  
  
Billy shook his head from the old memory. He wished he could hate Margie. It would have  
been so easy and yet she didn't make it easy. The young woman made good on her promise, she  
didn't speak to Bart or him face to face in three years. Then she came back... with hope for   
him and Bart. Just a year ago.  
  
He frowned, it hardly seemed like a year ago or more ago. More like forever.   
  
__________________________________________________________________________ 


End file.
